Just Because It Worked Once
Some days I go through my phone and delete the names of chicks I don't remember anymore.
Some days I test a new number from somebody whom I admired one night at some local joint and find that she probably has enough friends already. Yes, she went crazy all over I have Instagram which I keep only closest friends and family I explained, and then clicked her account and follow button on my phone as I showed her and had me follow her, but yet she never followed me back...wait how old am I again? She was my exact age, kind of looked like me...she was the one giving me tiny pecks all over my face hyping up how she finally met somebody she can hang around with her children and do stuff with. She loved I had no facebook profile.
She has a nanny and is a stay home momma and is building the house of her dreams. She was there with her husband and even made it like she wanted me to meet so he will understand who the new friend is...and so forth...
I did not even encourage this but sort of allowed the alcohol allow me to accept the invitation to become friends. The next sober days she disappeared and all I see or hear after a couple texts is her face on my own Instagram constantly posting portraits of her 3 beautiful babies and her "bestrfriend husband" in five year back time warps and swollen lips today. So even if you meet the "right folks" in a bar, don't count on making friends in there, even if it worked before...just call your old friends and the new will gradually grow or not...
when you find yourself alone, this is because the Universe is telling you to grow for a moment...you need the space to read, write, sleep, recover, lay out in the sun, blog, paint your nails or lotion your ankles, walk your animal...
When you can't find yourself doing any of these things or that you have no access to anything but a bed and a room (not even a car or gas for it), when the food is all gone....Holy Christ
It is time to fast and meditate.
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